Girl Scout Cookies Suck. That's right. I said it.

Look, I don't hate Girl Scout cookies. Well, ok, yes I do. I mean, yeah I eat Tagalongs, Thin Mints and Samoas just like anyone else does, but in reality they're shitty cookies. It's not so much the flavor as the texture. They're gritty and kind of unpleasant. I couldn't care less if I never eat another Girl Scout cookie for the rest of my life. Plus, as with any bullshit junk food item, they are full of nasty trans fats and shit like that. It may say zero grams on the box, but if you eat more than two cookies you're fucked.

Sure, you can argue that the Girl Scouts eliminated partially hydrogenated oils from five of their eight cookies, but which three do you think still have them? Yep. Thin Mints, Tagalongs and Samoas, of course.

Now that I'm on the subject, why the fuck does the government allow companies to get away with this shit? I mean, I don't like big government, but isn't it supposed to protect us? Why is a company allowed to say their product has ZERO trans fat if the serving size (which is determined by the food manufacturer) contains less than .5 grams? Obviously the companies just trim their serving size down to meet the requirement. And we're not even talking a big soul-sucking corporation here. We're talking the Girl Scouts of America.

Granted, I suppose some might consider the Girl Scouts a soul-sucking organization, but that's not the point.

All I'm saying is that the government should at least require a manufacturer to list how much of the product someone would have to eat in order to consume 1 gram of trans fat. Another option would be to reduce the allowable amounts of trans fats in a product to something very minute, to the point where most people would not consume enough of the product in one sitting for the trans fat content to be significant.

I think most of us would agree that two cookies is not a reasonable serving size. I'm not saying we shouldn't exercise restraint and that cookies aren't unhealthy to begin with, but how many people really open up a box of cookies and only eat two? Even if there are a lot of us who are able to do that, there are many people who can't. So the FDA should enforce serving sizes themselves. They should be the ones telling food manufacturers what a reasonable serving size is.

A bottle of Snapple is considered two servings. That's utterly ridiculous. Sure, it's happened that I've put half a bottle in the fridge and come back to it later, but how often does that happen? Not very. Why are they allowed to deceive us? Do you think of a pint of beer as two servings? I fucking doubt it. So, I'm pretty sure that most people polish off a 16 oz. bottle of Snapple in one sitting.

At the very least, these food companies shouldn't be able to print ZERO TRANS FAT in large loud letters on the packaging (unless it really doesn't contain any). It's not just misleading, it's literally a bold-faced lie.

Anyway, I know I'm not saying anything revolutionary here, and that most of you probably already feel the same way, but it just pisses me off.

Plus, you gotta love that one woman from the Girl Scouts. She wouldn't divulge the amount of trans fats in the cookies, but she did give us something utterly useless: "We know that our girls are selling a beloved American treat that is to be enjoyed in moderation."

Lady, why not just stick out your middle finger and tell everyone to go fuck themselves? That's what you're essentially doing. Just say, "Yes, if you eat half a box in one sitting, you're ingesting a fairly significant amount of trans fats. So, I dunno, fatty, maybe you should stop and take a breath at some point. Eat some fucking broccoli for fuck's sake." At least I'd respect you for being honest.

As for the Girl Scouts reducing their flavors to the six best selling varieties? Meh. I'd rather get my trans fats from Nutter Butters, thankyouverymuch.

Top 5 New Haven Pizza

1. Frank Pepe Pizzeria Napoletana -- I don't care what anyone says. This is the best pizza money can buy. The pepperoni pizza here is nothing short of phenomenal. Fresh tomato sauce, top notch mozzarella, thick-cut spicy pepperoni, and a crisp yet chewy crust. Heaven.

2. Zuppardi's Apizza -- My favorite cheese pizza. Everything comes together in wonderfully oily harmony. Cooked perfectly and slightly salty, but that just means it's incredibly flavorful and melt-in-your-mouth awesome.

3. Modern Apizza -- I have never had a mediocre pizza when I've eaten in. My favorite here is salami and black olives. Perfect every time!

4. Bar -- I hate that I love this pizza, but it really is great. I know everyone loves the mashed potato pizza, but I don't think it's all that. I'd rather just keep it simple here. The crust is super thin and delicious. I definitely find myself eating more even when I know I'm full.

5. Dayton Street Apizza -- Excellent pizza. Really tasty sauce, flavorful cheese, cooked just right. It's not quite as good as the top 4, but I'd happily eat this any time.

Honorable Mention: Sally's Apizza -- They are the Boston Red Sox to Pepe's New York Yankees. They're not as good, their fans and staff have the worst attitude, but ultimately they do make a great pizza. Too bad it also takes about 86 years to get it served to you. Not worth the hour-long wait when there are so many other amazing pizza options nearby.

i'd buy that for a dollar

this is quite possibly the greatest invention ever created.

simply amazing.

trader joe's chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels

oh. my. god.

if you've never eaten these, you are really missing out.

i beg you, if you have a trader joe's nearby, go there and buy a bag of these. quite simply, they are the most delicious snack ever.

i will describe them in the order in which they penetrate my tastebuds and thereby leave me in a state of euphoria.

first the chocolate. it is a really good quality chocolate. it's smooth, silky, rich, and damn tasty. it's definitely a couple notches above hershey's, without a doubt. i prefer to swirl the piece around in my mouth until about half of the chocolate is gone, then i can start to taste the saltiness of the pretzel, upon which i bite into it and release the peanut buttery goodness inside, thus giving me the retardedly great peanut butter, chocolate, pretzel, sweet/salty awesomeness.

another thing i really love about this snack is that if you hold up a piece and shake it, you can hear the peanut butter inside shaking around. i don't know why it's cool to do it, but it just is. you'll understand once you have it in hand.

as far as snacks go, this gets 5 stars out of 5.

burger king quad stacker

there are many many things wrong with this sandwich. not only the physical application of said sandwich, but also the lack of morals by burger king for inventing it, and the lack of self-respect by anyone who actually orders it. hence, i have tried it, and would like to offer my impressions.

first of all, there is way too much cheese. all i tasted was cheese upon cheese upon processed orangey yuckiness. i mean, it's not like burger king is putting slices of aged cheddar on here or anything. it's the same crappy cheese that goes on all their burgers. there is no need for 4 slices of it. gross.

also, as absurd a notion as this sandwich is to begin with, the bacon isn't necessary. i mean, let's think about this for one second. did you hear what i just said??? i just called BACON "unnecessary." do you have any idea how hard it is for me to say that bacon doesn't make something better? chances are, you do, or else you wouldn't be reading this...

maybe it's just that i don't really like burger king's burgers very much to begin with. i mean, if you asked me to rate their burgers compared to wendy's, mcdonald's, white castle, in-and-out, checkers, sonic, and any one of a wide variety of fast food burgers that i've eaten in my lifetime, they'd probably be dead last. however, regardless of how much i dislike burger king's burgers, i've eaten them before without hating myself for it. not so with the quad stacker. it's definitely not one of my favorite fast food burgers.

ultimately, it could be decent if there were at least two less slices of cheese. then perhaps all the shitty ingredients that go into fast food burgers would somehow come together in that way that they miraculously seem to do.

1.5 out of 5 stars.