Girl Scout Cookies Suck. That's right. I said it.

Look, I don't hate Girl Scout cookies. Well, ok, yes I do. I mean, yeah I eat Tagalongs, Thin Mints and Samoas just like anyone else does, but in reality they're shitty cookies. It's not so much the flavor as the texture. They're gritty and kind of unpleasant. I couldn't care less if I never eat another Girl Scout cookie for the rest of my life. Plus, as with any bullshit junk food item, they are full of nasty trans fats and shit like that. It may say zero grams on the box, but if you eat more than two cookies you're fucked.

Sure, you can argue that the Girl Scouts eliminated partially hydrogenated oils from five of their eight cookies, but which three do you think still have them? Yep. Thin Mints, Tagalongs and Samoas, of course.

Now that I'm on the subject, why the fuck does the government allow companies to get away with this shit? I mean, I don't like big government, but isn't it supposed to protect us? Why is a company allowed to say their product has ZERO trans fat if the serving size (which is determined by the food manufacturer) contains less than .5 grams? Obviously the companies just trim their serving size down to meet the requirement. And we're not even talking a big soul-sucking corporation here. We're talking the Girl Scouts of America.

Granted, I suppose some might consider the Girl Scouts a soul-sucking organization, but that's not the point.

All I'm saying is that the government should at least require a manufacturer to list how much of the product someone would have to eat in order to consume 1 gram of trans fat. Another option would be to reduce the allowable amounts of trans fats in a product to something very minute, to the point where most people would not consume enough of the product in one sitting for the trans fat content to be significant.

I think most of us would agree that two cookies is not a reasonable serving size. I'm not saying we shouldn't exercise restraint and that cookies aren't unhealthy to begin with, but how many people really open up a box of cookies and only eat two? Even if there are a lot of us who are able to do that, there are many people who can't. So the FDA should enforce serving sizes themselves. They should be the ones telling food manufacturers what a reasonable serving size is.

A bottle of Snapple is considered two servings. That's utterly ridiculous. Sure, it's happened that I've put half a bottle in the fridge and come back to it later, but how often does that happen? Not very. Why are they allowed to deceive us? Do you think of a pint of beer as two servings? I fucking doubt it. So, I'm pretty sure that most people polish off a 16 oz. bottle of Snapple in one sitting.

At the very least, these food companies shouldn't be able to print ZERO TRANS FAT in large loud letters on the packaging (unless it really doesn't contain any). It's not just misleading, it's literally a bold-faced lie.

Anyway, I know I'm not saying anything revolutionary here, and that most of you probably already feel the same way, but it just pisses me off.

Plus, you gotta love that one woman from the Girl Scouts. She wouldn't divulge the amount of trans fats in the cookies, but she did give us something utterly useless: "We know that our girls are selling a beloved American treat that is to be enjoyed in moderation."

Lady, why not just stick out your middle finger and tell everyone to go fuck themselves? That's what you're essentially doing. Just say, "Yes, if you eat half a box in one sitting, you're ingesting a fairly significant amount of trans fats. So, I dunno, fatty, maybe you should stop and take a breath at some point. Eat some fucking broccoli for fuck's sake." At least I'd respect you for being honest.

As for the Girl Scouts reducing their flavors to the six best selling varieties? Meh. I'd rather get my trans fats from Nutter Butters, thankyouverymuch.